The Sleepaway Pill: Lose Fat While You Sleep . . . Kinda

If I had a pill that would help you lose fat while you slept, would you take it?  Here’s how it works.

You take one tablet every night right before going to bed.  That’s it.

Although modifying your diet and beginning an exercise program will expedite fat loss, you don’t have to do either.  But, for the pill to work, you must take it on a completely empty stomach.  To ensure the tablet’s efficacy, you mustn’t eat three hours before taking the pill.  If you do, the tablet will be rendered ineffective.  So, are you interested?

Now, you may be somewhat health conscious (not so much so, though, that you’d actually change your exercise, nutrition, and lifestyle, but enough so that you’d consider taking a pill) and would like to know what’s in the tablet.  Sorry, due to trademark legalities, I can’t divulge this information (which is code for “I’ve no idea”).  Know, though, that the ingredients are [believed to be] all-natural (as is snake venom and dog poop).  Would you like it?

I’m hopeful you said no.  Know, though, that a pill like this would “work” for most people, maybe even you, if only for a little while.  But what is it about this pill that works?

Although trademark legalities [that don’t actually exist] prohibit me from sharing the ingredients, I’ll tell you how it works.  Listen closely.  It’s that you don’t eat for three hours prior to going to bed!

So, great news: if you find yourself consistently and routinely eating three hours prior to going to bed, if you simply stop doing this, you too can lose fat.  And you don’t even need to buy a pill (I may have just cost myself a small fortune by sharing this).

If you find yourself eating before bed, why?  Are you physically hungry?  If so, and it’s been within two to four hours since dinner, maybe you need to eat a larger portion of lean protein or veggies.  If it’s been longer than four hours, should you really still be up?!

Are you tired?  If you must stay up because of an urgent and important matter (which I’m hopeful’s more exception than rule), maybe eating something will help.  But make sure it’s something that will fuel your body and mind.  Your body and mind don’t need Cheetos or ice cream . . . or Cheetos-flavored ice cream.  And if it’s not urgent or important, really, go to bed.

Has nighttime eating (or drinking) become routine?  When you snack, are you watching television (which includes Netflix, Mr. Literal), surfing the Internet, or reading.  If you’re hungry, eat.  If you wanna watch TV, watch TV.

Tune into your body.  Figure out why you’re nighttime eating.  Put measures into place that will help you combat this.  Here are few of my suggestions:

  • Eat adequate protein and veggies at dinner.
  • If you eat, just eat. Don’t eat AND watch television, surf the Internet, read, etc.
  • Go to bed when you feel hunger, cravings, or temptation.
  • Distract yourself with television, surfing the Internet, reading, going for a walk, working out, working, take a bath, talk with someone in your house or call a friend, etc.
  • Rid your kitchen of foods that you’re “hungry” for at night. (I mean, do you really nighttime snack on broccoli florets and hummus?!)
  • Brush and floss your teeth immediately after dinner. (This is a go-to for me.)
  • Post index cards on your pantry and fridge with a list of why your health and fitness goals are important to you. Or hang signs that say, “Kitchen’s Closed!”, or ask, “Is what I’m looking for really in here?!”  (Prolly not.)

I’m not a fan of counting calories.  But, I’m fully aware that calories count.  Cutting out nighttime eating can have a huge impact on your fat-loss goal.

And remember, it’s okay to go to bed hungry.  Whatever food you were gonna eat, good or bad, will still be there in the morning.  When you wake up, you can even eat whatever it is you were gonna eat the night before.

Wait.  What?  You don’t wanna eat Cheetos-flavored ice cream for breakfast?!